Friends needed for a long-lived life.

To age well, we need friends. In fact our health depends on stable friendships.

“Good friends are like stars. You don’t always see them but you know they’re there.

That message looks down on me from a shelf above my desk. It’s a good reminder because strong and lasting friendships are key to a long-lived life.

Basically, to age well we need friends. In fact, out health actually depends on stable friendships. William Chopik, pyschology professor at Michigan State University says, “Friendship quality often predicts health more often than the quality of other relationships.” What little research I’ve read on the subject of aging and friendships indicates that as we age we tend to socialize with fewer people BUT we also invest more in a chosen few.

However, to do that sometimes takes a bit of planning and a dash of creativity. Like this past summer when I decided I wanted a girlfriend weekend at our cabin in Minnesota. Who to invite? Here was the trio I selected. Two women, both of whom were my sorority sisters from 50 years ago. One of those two is a close friend with whom I stay in touch regularly; the other I just recently reconnected with. My third choice was a friend I’ve know for about 30 years, but she didn’t know the other two. In all three cases I was the common thread. So it was a little bit of a leap of faith on everyone’s part, particularly considering it’s a nine hour trip to the cabin.

The outcome: FANTASTIC! The fun we had chatting, wine drinking, laughing, relaxing. New friendships were forged and the bond with my three friends grew stronger. We’re already planning the trip for this year, with the husbands involved this time.

ust doesn’t happen. Like any good thing worth having, it takes regular attention and work. But the effort is worth it. As I reflect on the friends I have, I’d like to think I add a special dimension to their lives because I know they add to mine — all in different ways. It makes me think how friendships are formed. Do friends pick us or do we pick them? A little bit of both I think. Most of the time long lasting friendships are based on common values or ideals. But sometimes not. Of the three “cabin” friends above, at least one of them leans very conservatively on the political spectrum. Much different than me. We even talked about that difference when we reconnected a few years ago. Fortunately, we’ve put those political differences aside and have set about reestablishing our long term friendship.

Friendships are essential to a long-lived life, but they don’t just happen. They require nurturing, especially if one hopes to live a long time. Because, face it, growing older ups the chance of losing friends. But that’s the thought for another post. Right now, I’m enjoying the friendships I have right now and attending to them regularly.

Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.

Khalil Gibran