Stuff: Do we own it or does it own us?
I knew there was a problem when I heard the squish. Water seeped into the basement bathroom closet.
No need to dwell on the problem as it’s fixed now. But it still meant taking everything out of the closet, and as I surveyed the tubs and soggy boxes, I knew it was time to clean and purge.
It’s a foregone conclusion that most of us have way too much STUFF and probably keep more of it than we need. Easy to acquire; hard to get rid of. It’s a decision making process to be sure. One that is quite easy to put off until a moment presents itself – like now.
Where to start? First, I put STUFF into three categories:
The STUFF we might use someday (or not); the STUFF we simply have too much of but need (or at least think we do); and –the real stickler — the STUFF for which we have no use but has sentimental value.
That was the situation as I opened the tubs and boxes: Baby clothes, toys and other memorabilia from my daughters’ growing up years. They are are now 43 and 41 years old. But what a trip down memory lane. There was Mollie’s little t-shirt sporting the phrase “I’ll be 20 in the 2000.” A pillow top from the year Jill was born. So many tops, sweaters and STUFF. Oh, the memories they brought back. But now what? Do they go back in the tubs?
My two granddaughters happened to be visiting at the time. Maybe they would be interested in taking some of the clothes. Not so. The only thing that caught their eye was a little top they thought might fit one of their dolls. The rest of it, I’m afraid, is destined to GoodWill or a thrift shop. It served a purpose years ago. But it’s time to let go. Easier said than done.
It’s clear that younger generations have different views on saving and preserving. Whether it’s because of lack of space or something else, they are less inclined to keep STUFF. Of course there are exceptions. Take our eldest daughter. Several of the tubs belong to her and are filled with baby clothes and toys belonging to her son who is now 15. They live in a small apartment in Los Angeles and do not have room for any extra STUFF, especially baby clothes that will never be used again. Was she ready to let loose of those items that hold such precious memories to that single mom with her only son? Her hesitancy was clear even over the phone line. Those tubs will be returned to the closet, but hopefully she won’t wait until her son is 40 years old to deal with them.
Jill’s son River at 2 yrs; now 15
I guess that’s one of the reasons it is sometimes hard to let go of items that have such deep sentimental attachment. We savor those long ago times. Maybe not wanting them back, but knowing they’ll never happen again, as in the case of my daughter. For me, it’s a reminder that I’m the elder and getting older every day.
Back to the dilema at hand: how we deal with all our STUFF. One click of the mouse reveals numerous sites and sources for recommendations on decluttering and minimalizing our lives. Professional organizers abound. So do blogs and books about organizing and decluttering. Marie Kondo has convinced us that “tidying up” can be life-changing. Claire Middleton’s book, “The Sentimental Person’s Guide to Decluttering” offers practical advice to approaching this emotional task. Here were some of my take-aways from her book and other sources.
Begin by asking yourself some questions. What is important? The memory, the thought or the object? What do we really value in life? People, objects, memories? How do you want to be remembered? Ponder for a while then dive in.
—Savor the memory. That I did as I sorted through all those items. I picked up a little summer top I remember our daughter Jill wearing as I packed boxes for our move from Lincoln. It was a delightful memory and so was the picture I took of my little “Jill-in-the box.” The photo will serve me more than the top.
—Get rid of the guilt. I actually had to admit this is one of the feelings that holds me back from purging. It’s a shoulda, coulda kind of thing. It keeps us mired in the past and regretting things we did or didn’t do. Moral of the story: let it go. Grace will give you space! Sometimes the guilt works in the other direction, too. You feel guilty because you haven’t purged. Let go of that feeling, too. Today is the first day…..(well, you know the rest).
—Pass it on. If not to your family (who probably won’t want it), to a thrift store or a nonprofit that can put it to good use. I volunteer at a thrift store, and I know the value of having gently used clothing available at drastically reduced prices.
–-Remake or repurpose. A quilt made from children’s t-shirts sounds nice but again, ask yourself the question. Will you really make that quilt or are you just avoiding the ultimate decision.
—Create a digital memory. Photos are certainly another area in need of organizing and decluttering. But in this technology age it can be more manageable. Taking a digital photo and sending it to the “cloud” can preserve it as it awaits organizing for your own digital life story.
—Start small. We didn’t acquire all our STUFF in one day, so we aren’t going to manage it in one day either. Sometimes the right moment presents itself — like the water problem. But if not, make the decision that you’re going to do it and set the date. Put it on your calendar and commit to what you’re going to do that day: maybe one tub or a box of photos. The important thing is to start.
Jill at age 3; now 44
For me the result of the basement debacle are several bags, all labeled and ready to be taken to GoodWill. Does that take care of my organizing? Oh my no. It’s probably more of a beginning. There is lots more to be done, but at least I know I can do it and have some tools in my head on how to approach it in the days, weeks and months ahead.
Stuff is just that — STUFF. It’s not us. We are not what we own. I want my life governed by the choices I make, not by the STUFF that surrounds me. In what I hope is my long lived life, I will continue to make and savor memories but sort and purge as I do.