The Lonely Diner
Cooking for one. Eating alone. I’ve struggled with both without Mike.
Some of my most pleasant memories of him and our family center around the dinner table. The television was always off at mealtime and it was exactly what it should be: a time to enjoy the sensation of eating good, nutritious food in the good company of others. We’d often recap the day, hear about our daughters’ activities or complaints and generally have a delightful give and take. Later on, with the girls grown and gone, dinner time was still special for us. In warm weather, we’d often share a cocktail on the deck before going into dinner. Our conversations were wide ranging but always special.
So it’s been an adjustment to eating alone. The idea of standing at the kitchen counter eating a bowl of cereal for supper just doesn’t appeal to me. As a home economist, I know the value of balanced nutrition and incorporating a variety of foods into one’s diet. But doing it is another thing. That’s why a book from a friend intrigued me. “Culinary Grief Therapy” by Heather Nickrand is a compilation of recipes as well as many strategies and techniques for living and eating alone while grieving the loss of a loved one.
One of her suggestions is deciphering between the task brain and the grieving brain. The task brain focuses on activating a process one had previously developed i.e., planning a menu, making a grocery list, etc. The grieving brain, on the other hand, only sees emptiness and isolation. Imagine wearing two different lens. The grieving brain focuses on loss and despair and it can be so insistent that it keeps the task brain from getting to work on something positive — like fixing a healthy meal for yourself. If you allow the grieving brain to take control, negative and painful feelings develop into avoidance of cooking and grocery shopping. But if you’re proactive and make that list and map the plan, it pushes the grieving (less proactive) brain aside. Suddenly, you’re taking action and even getting some satisfaction and enjoyment from the process.
One technique I’ve tried is fixing something I know I would never have done for Mike — chicken! He was a big beef eater and only liked the fried chicken my mother used to fix. Not doing that! I opted instead for this recipe. It was delicious, and I was proud of myself.
Creamy Baked Chicken
Season chicken thighs (bone-in; skin-on) with salt and pepper and brown in a skillet with olive oil (skin side down) until skin is crispy (about 5-6 minutes)
Transfer chicken to an oven-safe baking dish (skin side up) and bake in a 450 degree oven for 15 minutes or until the internal temperature of the meat is 165 degrees.
In the same skillet with the oil that remains, cook a few chopped onions and garlic, scraping the delicious brown tidbits from the skillet. Pour in about 1/2 cup of white wine (you know what to do with the rest) and cook for about 2-3 minutes.
To the above mixture whisk in about 3/4 chicken broth and a generous dollop of sour cream. Cook until smooth and creamy.
Remove chicken from oven and pour the sauce over the top. Season with either tarragon or parsley.
Another step is inviting others to eat with you. So recently I invited two girlfriends to dinner, one of whom has some dietary restrictions. I contacted them about menu options and forged ahead. It was a bit challenging (no meat, no dairy) but interesting. A sheet pan dinner of baked salmon, roasted potates and asparagus with cucumber salad was the result. It was a delightful evening and again, I found satisfaction in completing the process.
New food experiences are good, but I don’t ever want to forget our family food memories. I’m glad my family remembers them as well like grilling out, roasting smores and “Papa’s Dip” which the granddaughters have taken over making.
PAPA’S DIP
One block (6-8 oz.) cream cheese (softened)
¼ - ½ cup sour cream
1 pkg. dry onion soup mix
½ tsp. garlic powder
¼ cup ketchup
Mix together all ingredients and stir until well mixed. Enjoy with crackers, vegetables or chips
Mike was the ultimate grill master.
Preparing some of his special entrees has been a bit harder for me. One of Mike’s favorites was a simple beef roast, and it really couldn’t be simpler.
One frozen beef roast (chuck, round or whatever); top with half a package of dry onion soup.
Place in a roaster, covered, with a 350 degree oven.
After one hour, turn over the roast and sprinkle with remaining onion soup mixture and turn down oven to 325 degrees.
Depending on the size and type of roast, this will take about 2-3 hours. The last hour of cooking, add peeled potatoes and carrots, sprinkled with seasoning like Good Seasons Italian Dressing.
But when it was time to make the gravy, I stumbled. That was always Mike’s job. I opted for putting butter on the vegetables. Maybe next time.
Slowly I am reimagining my relationship with food and meals. I miss eating out at nice restaurants which was a favorite outing of ours. Now I welcome an invite to go out with friends or family. I’ve yet to tackle going to a restaurant alone. Maybe that will come.
Another dimension I’m considering are home delivered meals. Lots of options there. Having all the ingredients brought to my doorstep in all the right proportions seems inviting. No leftovers!
Food is basic to survival. We all have to eat. It’s even better when I can enjoy it. Bon Appetit!