Why “DO” I want to live to 120?
It’s a fair question, and now that I’ve asked myself that, it deserves a little pondering and reflection.
Aging has always intrigued me. I am drawn to lives of elders who have lived or are living very long lives. I want to know about them. Do they have a secret to longevity? Do they seem to be healthy? Are they happy? Of course, it does seem there are more stories published about vibrant elders who are healthy, happy and active. There is little focus on senior citizens hanging onto life in a nursing home or struggling with health issues, disabilities or mental frailties. I was interested in a recent podcast which featured Jeanne Calment who lived in the south of France her entire life. She filled her days with leisurely pursuits, enjoying a glass of port, a cigarette and some chocolate everyday. She died in 1997 at the age of 122. Granted, at the time of her death she was blind, deaf and living in a nursing home.
As to how I picked 120 years as a goal, it was mostly arbitrary. Why not set a lofty one. I am not alone in my pursuit. A recent Pew Research Center poll showed that over 70% of American adults said they wanted to live up to a 100 years. Our culture buys into it big time, as well. While our American lifestyles don’t necessarily practice activities that promote longevity (obesity, diet, etc), much in the media and literature urge us in that direction. Advertisements abound that promote products which lead to younger looking skin, improved memory, etc. etc. It’s big business, this business of keeping aging at bay.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not seeking the fountain of youth. My skin may be pretty wrinkle-free now at 71, but I know it will age. I look at the age spots starting to show up on my hands and the gray creeping into my auburn hair (which I will always color). I want to continue to look and feel good, be stylish in how I dress and the make-up I use. For me, that’s what living is all about. No need to to wait around for the decline to begin. I believe that staying active will put it off.
And what’s the harm in examining the aging process. I’m right in the middle of it, for goodness sake. And in retirement (particularly right now, quarantining with COVID!) I certainly have more time to do just that.
One book that I refer to often is “Aging Strong” by Dr. Bud Harris. Dr. Harris calls this time of my life the “fourth quarter.” He is of the opinion that we can choose opportunities to live this last quarter of our lives creatively, lovingly and joyfully. His book is all about doing that. That’s an approach that sounds good to me. I’m quite sure I’ll refer to him often in this blog.
Some have authored books on aging and turned their message into investment opportunities. Like Sergey Young, with his new book, “The Science and Technology of Growing Young.” Young bills himself as a longevity investor and visionary who wants to help one billion people extend their lifespans and live longer, healthier lives. I haven’t read his book, but reviews say he outlines practical ways of doing that. In addition, Young created the Longevity Fund and has sponsored a global competition to find a cure for aging. (Hmmm, a cure?) Maybe, maybe not. Even so, his book is currently on the New York Times best seller list.
To be clear, not everyone shares this longevity desire. Take Dr. Ezkiel Emmanuel, an oncologist and bioethicist at the University of Pennsylvania who says unequivocally that he hopes to die at 75. His article in The Atlantic magazine, “Why I Hope to Die at 75,” lays out his reasoning. He’s about 65 now, and by his way of thinking, when 75 arrives he will have lived a very full life. For him, that will be enough. Not that he’s courting death at this point. A few years ago he climbed Mt. Kilamanjaro with his nephews. He appears fit and healthy. But it’s also important to note that he’s already started to make decisions about some life-prolonging checkups. Even as an oncologist, he now declines the recommendation to get a colonosopy.
He’s also quite blunt about his assessment of our society’s over-emphasis on chasing youth or longevity. He writes of the “Americans immortal” who he says “want to cheat death and prolong life as long as possible” It’s a way of thinking that he thinks is misguided and potentially destructive because he believes the decline of aging is inevitable. He would rather die at 75, leaving his family with memories of his vibrancy rather than the destructiveness of mental and physical decline.
Certainly, the concerns over dementia, Alzheimer’s and a host of other age-related disabilities are real. I don’t want them either. Fortunately, I’m blessed with pretty good genes. My mother and her father both lived well into their 90’s and died peacefully of natural causes with only short stays in a nursing home. But there’s no guarantee.
An accident could propel me into a circumstance in which I would not want to live a long time. Take my good friend Barb who three years ago sustained a traumatic brain injury. Now blind and certainly not with full brain power, she’s under the daily care of her two daughters. My husband and I both have written and signed advance directives and durable powers of attorney for health care along with conversations with our daughters about our wishes should we ever find ourselves in a similar situation. Even so, it wouldn’t be easy decisions for our family.
There’s another other thing I’ve considered in examining my longevity goal. Is it just my way of avoiding the obvious? I know I will die someday. But by focusing on living a long time am I simply ignoring and putting off thinking about and tending to details about my death. I’ll save that for another post. See, I’m putting it off.
Death is one thing that Dr. Emmanuel doesn’t focus on. Neither does Mr. Young in his longevity program. But the reality is this: for all our wants, desires and actions about living, we really aren’t in control. I don’t know when my final days will come, where I’ll be or in what shape. My faith reminds me that it’s a decision already made by my Creator. I honestly don’t know how one can work through this thought process without leaning on the hope for something greater than all of us, to a faith that gives us the assurance and courage to persist because there is something better that awaits us.
So at the end of the day, I guess I land somewhere in the middle of the debate or discussion of living and longevity. I prefer to continue my quest for things that help make my life more interesting, fuller. That in itself I think helps me stave off the less desireable aspects of aging.
S0 for now, I will fill my days with activities, family, learning, searching for something new, throwing in a little humor in the process. Like Bill Murray’s character, Carl in the movie Caddyshack. He’s talking about caddying for the Dali Lama who’s about to ‘stiff’ him after play. “Hey Llama,” Carl says, “how about some money?” To which the Lama replies, “There’s no money but on your deathbed, you will have total consciousness.”
“Well, at least I’ve got that going for me.”