Zooming to conscious aging.
Thanks to COVID (did I really mean that?), some of us are finding creative ways to engage, to learn, to meet. So it is that I am participating in a book study via zoom.
And I didn’t need to wear a mask to do it!
The moderator for the session is a retired professional who does some parttime work as a lifetime coach. She also writes a column for a newsletter on aging, which is where I discovered her. Our zoom session topic is the book “Conscious Living, Conscious Aging” by Ron Pevny.
We “baby boomer zoomers,” as I call us, are a small group of women ranging in age from about 65 to 85. Women at different stages of retirement and, of course, aging. But we’re all eager to learn. What a great way to meet new people without leaving home. It’s been so interesting to learn about each other and from one another. Zooming allows us to see each other, which makes the interaction so much more interesting. The other women live in the urban centers of our state, and one participant from another state. Living as I do, in a small rural community in central Nebraska and coping with distance and the virus, this provided a great opportunity for me.
As for the book, it poses some interesting and challenging questions. “What do we aim for as we age?” “How can we find fulfillment and dignity as we age?” “How do we deal with our fears of aging?” In essence, the book works us through a process of being more conscious of our “elderhood” that has meaning, passion, growth and service.
The author says there are three stages in this transitioning through to conscious aging. The first is severance — severing ourselves from who we have been in midlife adulthood. We first take stock of our lives, distilling wisdom and insight from previous life experiences. Then we “let go” of things from that previous life stage, things that deaden our aliveness or keep us from moving forward and experiencing new things.
Pevny is big on exercises and processes that help us work through these transitions. So in our zoom session we did just that. The moderator asked us to think about what we might choose to leave behind and show an actual item it represents.
One participant talked about her large collection of jewelry and how she had made a conscious choice to select certain pieces to give away to her daughter and daughter-in-law — now, while she’s living rather than leave them in her estate. She said those actions were satisfying, gratifying and freeing.
Another participant held up a piece of exercise equipment. She was dismayed that the exercise club she had frequented went out of business due to the virus. The item symbolized her need to let go of the disappointment and look for other avenues of exercise.
I had a difficult time deciding what I needed to let go of and finally admitted that it was golf. For over 30 years I’ve played on a golf league, and while that has been satisfying (frustrating, too, because it’s golf), I realized that neither the game nor my current partner were bringing me much joy. The golf club I showed the group was my admitting that it was time to move on to a hobby more fulfilling that hitting the little white ball.
Next comes the Neutral Zone.
In this zone, Pevny says, there is no clear direction, although you may at times sense that the seeds of possibility for your elderhood have been planted in rich soil…..you will find yourself alone, facing the uncharted wilderness within, with few familiar landmarks in sight…to hold on to.
Well, that can be a little disconcerting. It didn’t make me feel too comfortable about moving forward. But Pevny offers encouraging words and tools to help navigate through this neutral zone. If we apply them, he says, we will find vision, creativity, strength and spiritual connection.
The more I thought about that, it sounded to me a little like sand flowing through an hourglass. Once all the way through, we can turn it over and begin a new chapter. But if we hold it for a bit, or lay it on its side, it gives us a chance to pause, to think and reflect.
The exercises are fascinating and I intend to work on them, maybe even share the experiences in future posts. Things like:
A life review: breaking down ones entire life into increments — maybe seven year segments, and write about them — experiences that impacted you most both positive and negative, people who made a difference in your life, and how that segment maybe impacted your life now. One of the fellow zoomers said this was an incredibly moving experience for her, bringing both joy and tears.
A legacy letter: a letter, perhaps to your family or an individual family member, in which you impart not only a review of some life experiences, but your values, what shaped you to be the person you are. What a precious gift, I thought, to give my grandchildren.
Ten intentions for 10 years: in a way this a goal setting exercise. It is where you really start to emerge from the neutral zone and start anew in the next stage of your life. Ten is not a magic number. It can be any number of intentions, but they must be backed up with actions and a time table.
The third stage Pevny calls “reincorporation.” We’ve explored the possibilities in the neutral zone. Now it’s time to have the new beginning. If we’ve worked at the process and applied some of his recommended principles, we have the sense of a new calling, opportunities for fulfillment in which we bring our gifts to the larger community. That seems like a tall order, but what do I have to lose. I’m going to give it a try.
The four zoom sessions did literally zoom by. They came to an end too soon. But even in those few sessions, we all agreed it was a good experience, and one that probably wouldn’t have happened in more “normal” times. Will we reconnect some how. I don’t know. Maybe the moderator will start another session with another book. Or, come to think of it, maybe I’ll start one! Bottom line, it has shown me there are numerous ways to connect. We need not wallow in being depressed about sequestering. We can reach out, meet new people and learn new things. Thanks to my fellow zoomer boomers, I did just that. I didn’t let myself be limited by COVID, and in the process I learned something new and met five great women.
We can find blessings and opportunities in unexpected places.
What seems to us bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.
Oscar Wilde